I'm going home to visit friends and family today.  I haven't been home in more than two years.
Before I left there was a drunken one night stand that resulted in a one night stand. That one night stand produced an offspring... I have a daughter and I'm just about to meet her for the very first time! It is an experience unlike anything I have yet to encounter.

The thoughts and doubts and worries and everything that creeps into your head when you don't know what you are getting yourself into have made camp in every facet of my being.  I was a mess when I planted my seed. Have my mistakes in life been inherited by this young innocent life I have sown?  This was not in my plan, but then what life altering events are ever truly our own design? How often do you choose your path and how often is that path beaten before your eyes. Beyond ones control the trees are slashed back for ones footsteps to follow.

A woman I barely know has carried in her womb a soul which is half mine! A woman I had a great night with and have never seen again!  This some kind of something. A new one for me, that's for sure. New has never been a bad thing. Intimidating, imposing, illuminating, irrational. My mind spins and my stomach churns. I'm not ready, but show me ready and I'll show you a lie. The idea of preparedness is one of delusion.  The concept of preconception and preparation are similar to the inspiration of fairy tales.  Whilst we think we've armed ourselves for what we think shall come to pass, nothing could have trained us for this.  Nothing in those fables armed me for what is about to transpire.  I have a daughter, a baby mama... People who need me to be better than who I am. Up until this moment, that last sentence pondered, has it truly slapped me in the face with the truth.  I am a father. A father provides. A father cares. A father protects. I have done none of these do date.  Hell, I can barely save myself.  My own father is trying, as I write, to return from the land of the dead to slap my face off and teach me lessons he never had time to teach me in life.  Lessons he himself was not savvy enough to to teach me before he passed.  I am a son without a father. A father without guidance. Struggles ensue, lessons to be learned.
I guess this means selfish desires are to be cast aside, I have a human being that is half me that needs guidance in this world.  That is something to live for.